The first option most people see when it comes to changing a situation is to determine how others need to change. Their basic assumption being that they already do what is necessary.

In some cases, it could even be the best solution.

The assumption rarely is complete. Even if someone is doing great work, the best work is the one that helps the team achieve its goals. Doing what’s necessary thus means to prioritize the thing that helps to advance the team over what the individual perceives as necessary.

Changing others may be possible but it never works without their consent.

The fastest path is when a conversation leads to an agreement and the person’s commitment to change. Naturally, it needs to be something they can change within a reasonable time frame.

In some cases, this is not possible. That’s when the person can’t see what the others see and doesn’t believe what the others believe. Their experiences being too far apart, they find it hard to come to an agreement both understand in the same way. That’s when the first step to changing the other is through helping them experience something new, something that is part of your experience.

Take someone who isn’t used to receiving recognition. That person will find it hard to recognize others and maybe even to see his own self-worth. They first need to become able to receive recognition. It may require the team to be persistent in sharing recognition with him. And it will require the patience to ask once in a while if he’s aware of what’s happening and what the team is doing for him. Teams able and willing to create such an experience are incredibly generous.